I am not even finished reading this book yet, but I feel compelled to write about it.
Some of you know who Dr Laura Schlessinger is, as you may have heard her radio show. She is also broadcast on the military station on Sunday nights here in Japan. Often, Yusuke and I are driving home from grocery shopping at that time and we can catch a few minutes. Always interesting, I try to translate a little for him.
I first heard of Dr Laura years ago and wrote her off as some overtly conservative extremist until I started actually listening to her program. Some of what she said made sense, but still, I thought she was a little too much. Sometimes, she really rips in to her callers.
Then, one day, my co-worker who has been married almost 20 years, gave some advice to me. He gave credit to Dr Laura for it as he had heard it on her show once long ago. He said that if a woman has sex with her husband on a regular basis, he will walk through fire for her. In other words, he will do what ever chores or projects around the house she wants him to do without complaining!
Wow! How simple is that? On the surface, it sounds like a woman should use sex to manipulate her husband into doing what she wants. But, if you dig a little deeper, you will realize that “sex with your husband” should be part of the deal anyway. Why not make him feel good and happy so he will gladly help out around the house? And, besides, I thought at the time when I got this advice, I actually like doing it with my husband. Why not do it more?
Several weeks ago, in listening to Dr Laura’s show, I heard her give this exact advice to someone. She explained it is easy for a woman to change her husband’s mood just by flashing him a little shoulder, wiggling her butt when she walks by, giving him a coquettish smile, etc. The particular woman was complaining that her husband is the boss at work, so when he comes home, he tends to act bossy towards her. Dr Laura suggested these simple ways to completely change his mood – she claimed he would go from “boss” to “loving husband” in seconds. When I heard that, I realized how true this is! I tend to do those exact things to Yusuke, but only when I am in the mood. It is not necessarily to help him feel relaxed or desired…it’s just because I myself am in a good mood and want to joke around with him. But, I realized that when I do any of the above things, he instantly changes. So, I decided then and there on two things:
1. To make sure he feels like my husband (and not my annoying roommate or needy child) when he comes home from work.
2. To get Dr Laura’s book and read it from cover to cover.
I did get the book and will explore some of the issues in the my next entry. However, I want to comment on one more thing. One of my New Years Goals is to not be annoyed by Yusuke. My main reason for making this goal was because the feeling of “annoyance” causes a lot of stress to one’s mind and heart, and who wants to walk around stressed out all the time? The home should be a peaceful, loving environment rather than the kind of home where everyone feels stressed out, annoyed, irritated and angry. After a long, long day at work, I realized that what my husband needs is motivation to come home and relax.
Dr. Laura Schlessinger published a book called The Proper Care & Feeding of Husbands in 2004. Akin to the way you would treat your dog, this book shows you how to properly treat your husband in such a way to make him feel “like a man”, “loved & desired” and “appreciated”. If you think about it, how do you treat your dog or cat?
I’ll tell you how I treat my dog, Max. When I come home from work, Max gets a happy greeting and a pat or a hug from me. Often, Ailin and I sit on the couch with him and hug him and tell him how much we love him. Later, we make sure he eats his dinner and then we play with him some more before Ailin’s bedtime routine starts. After Ailin goes to bed, I try to keep in mind that Max (who is sleeping on the couch or chewing on his bone), enjoys a little cuddle. Even though I am usually busy with chores, computer-time & scrapbooking, I try to remember to go and sit on the couch for a portion of the evening so Max can get some skinship.
Now, what is wrong with this picture? Absolutely nothing, but then I’ll tell you how I used to treat my own husband.
When he came home after a long day at work (usually midnight), I was quite tired by this time and usually getting ready for bed myself. Sometimes, I was still on the computer and I would ignore him. Other times, I was watching TV and without even getting up to say “hello”, I’d just let him go about fixing his own dinner. Still other times, I was running madly around the house trying to finish up chores. “Sorry, no time to talk!” Imagine how that made him feel?
No wonder he was always so insanely jealous of the dog.